


The Fade™

by epitome



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: .hack// AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Escapism, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Lyrium Addiction, Lyrium Withdrawal, MMORPGs, Modern Thedas, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sword Art Online AU, Trapped in a video game, Virtual Reality, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2018-12-18 01:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11863473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epitome/pseuds/epitome
Summary: Thirty-year-old Cullen Rutherford just wants to relax after work with his friends in Thedas's most popular full-dive Virtual Reality MMO, maybe even meet people in the process.He never would have guessed that he'd end up trapped in a death game.---The Sword Art Online / .hack// AU that nobody asked for.Rating/tags will be updated as the story goes along.





	1. Prologue: Loading, Please Wait...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update - 2 June 2018: Hello! I've been doing a lot of thinking about this lately and have decided to make some changes to make the plot a little more original than previously, which I feel relied too heavily on SAO. I'll be updating the existing chapters (and noting it like it's noted here) in the coming weeks before posting any new ones. Thanks for bearing with me, and thanks to those who have provided comments to really get me thinking about how this story can be improved!
> 
> Original chapter publication date: 21 August 2017

Cullen drew his fingers over the headset resting on his lap, careful not to smudge the visor.

Maybe this would be good for him. A way to meet people, without actually having to go out and… meet them. Where he wasn’t some washed-up ex-Templar lyrium addict. He could just be Cullen.

Or whatever he ended up naming his avatar.

He was startled out of his reverie by a ringtone erupting from his cell. He shook his head to himself and let out a half-amused sigh, already knowing who it was.

“Hello, Raleigh.” he answered, placing the expensive VeilWare headset on the bed beside him so he could prop back on his free hand without having to worry about it tumbling to the ground.

His friend’s voice heckled him from the other end. “I’m giving you five minutes to get online, Rutherford. I know you’re staring at the thing, but we don’t have all day. After the opening ceremony, you can bet all the returning beta testers are gonna be running for the best loot. I’m not missing out because you were sitting on your ass, daydreaming.”

Cullen snorted. “Besides the fact that you made me stand in line with you for six hours to even have a _chance_ at getting this game, I already calibrated the headset. I’ll be there.”

“Then you better get your ass in gear,” Samson said, and promptly hung up. Cullen shook his head in amusement and flopped back on his bed.

Indeed, he was sure everyone was gunning to log into The Fade as soon as the updated servers came back online - which was, he realized, just a minute ago. Thedas’s first full-dive Virtual Reality MMORPG was wildly popular with over 10 million subscriptions, and the first expansion was about to go live for those who had purchased the deluxe edition. Cullen and Raleigh had heard about it from Keran, who’d been playing the game since its release, and Raleigh had convinced Cullen that the new content release was the perfect time for the two of them to give it a go.

Online deluxe edition copies had sold out within seconds, and they had gotten some of the last few physical copies left in their local gaming store. Honnleath might be small, but it had a few chain businesses, so that just meant there was less competition than they might have otherwise had. On the news, someone in Denerim had bragged that they’d been camping out for three days. All to get an extra 72 hours of access before the rest of The Fade’s online community. That had required some extra convincing - but Raleigh had argued that they’d need whatever extra acclimation time they could get, so deluxe edition it was.

Cullen would never say Raleigh wasn’t competitive.

He let out a long sigh and carded a hand through his hair, swiping to his messages. Nothing new, just one of Mia’s periodic check-in texts that she’d sent him a couple days ago and he, predictably, hadn’t responded to yet. He tapped it, stared at the small words on the bright screen. Guilt washed over him once again. He wasn’t doing a good job of living up to her expectations, even as small as they were. He could recount her lecture in his sleep. _We need to know you’re alright, Cullen. You can’t just disappear on us like that again._

It wasn’t that he _wanted_ to alienate his siblings, but it was… difficult was an understatement. He was no longer the young man they’d sent off to Basic.

He typed back, pressed send.

**[Cullen - 3:02 PM]: I’m alive.**

That was what seemed to finally push him forward. He didn’t want to think about it anymore, didn’t want to see Mia’s (likely annoyed) response, so he scrolled the alert setting to silent, standing back up to place it on his bedside table and retrieve an ethernet cable and power cord. He plugged them into the back of his headset before settling the device securely on his head. He laid back down, resting his hands on his chest, one palm over the other, and, with a deep breath, started up the game.  



	2. Hello World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen's introduced to the world of The Fade and meets a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for brief mention of torture - nothing graphic.

_3 Justinian, 20:41 Information_

_Stage 1: City of Awakenings_

 

Cullen looked around in awe as he materialized in the fountain square of a large town already bustling with people. He moved to sit on the fountain’s edge as he took it all in. The buzz of conversation in his ears, occasionally interrupted by a particularly loud phrase. The pressure of the armored vest adorning his torso. The faint scent of some unnamed flower or herb, doubtlessly emanating from the nearby planters. The developers had really outdone themselves - it was like he was really, physically present in this virtual world. 

He took a second to examine his equipment. It was standard fare for a semi-medieval themed MMO: pants, boots, shirt, and the vest he’d noticed earlier. A short sword hung from the belt at his left hip, a pouch with a few coins in it on the opposite side. It was all rather plain - shades of grey and black - but if this world were like other MMOs, it wouldn't take long before equipment started getting more colorful - and looking more impressive, if not gaudy. 

With that taken into account, Cullen started to look harder into the crowds for someone who might be Raleigh. He had realized right as he was finishing up character creation that they hadn’t discussed how they’d find one another in-game, and since they didn’t know what names would be available, they couldn’t have gone that route anyway. Plus, Cullen realized, names didn’t hover over their avatars’ heads like in other games. Probably another tactic to make the game more immersive.

Cullen checked the in-game clock hovering at the top right-hand corner of his field of vision and sighed at what he found, somewhat unsurprised. 

3:47 P.M. He must have taken longer than he’d thought in character creation. He’d quickly set up a fairly generic-looking avatar - spiky blonde hair, blue eyes, premade height and face settings. There was no class system to trip him up, though that wouldn't have presented much of a challenge; Cullen knew without having to really think about it that he'd have picked a warrior for sure - but he’d frozen at the “character name” box. Should he try to come up with something cool-sounding? Would it be too difficult to answer to a new name? How much did his name matter, anyway?

In the end, he’d quickly typed in “Cullen” to get it over with and pressed “CREATE” before he could begin to regret the decision. Thankfully the name hadn't been taken, since he had no idea what he would've used instead. Certainly not his last name. A nickname, maybe?

He shook his head - typical that he'd be overthinking it, even after it was already established and there was no going back. 

In any case, now he was about half an hour past the time Samson had offered, plus a small buffer that would have covered Samson’s own character creation. In Cullen’s (admittedly meager) experience, Samson had never put much thought into what his characters looked like or what to name himself - so Cullen’s friend had probably left without him awhile ago, as promised.

He’d have to text Samson later to find out his friend’s character details or to establish a place and time to meet. Logging out and sending a message now didn’t make sense - Raleigh wouldn’t see it until later, and there was a chance Cullen would run into him in the meantime - 10,000 players was kind of a lot all at once, but most MMOs had millions of players, and all players of The Fade were limited to this stage until it was cleared. Not likely to happen within the first hour of the game, even for the beta testers. Plus, Cullen had no doubt he’d fall even further behind his friend for every minute he spent waiting around or offline. So Cullen picked up a potion from a nearby stall with his starting supply of coin, then collected one of the guidebooks published by the beta testers, and headed into the wilds to learn the basics of combat in this game.

 

* * *

  

An hour and a half later, he’d not only gotten the basics down, but also leveled up. Oddly enough, the motions to activate a weapon skill were not unlike some of the exercises they did in T.E.M.P.L.A.R. training, although he’d never used a sword before. And the mobs he’d cleared had dropped enough coin to replace the funds he’d spent on the potion - not that it had cost much to begin with. His inventory wasn't anywhere near full, but he’d collected a few crafting materials that may come in handy, either for upgrading his gear or selling for a profit. All in all, not a bad turnout - and he'd managed to immerse himself in the game enough to not think about the pressures of real life for awhile, even if he hadn't met any other players yet.

He settled back into the stance that would begin a running thrust at a nearby ram, drawing his elbow back, then lunging forward...only to stumble as a cracking noise echoed through the clearing. The ram he had in his sights bolted away as Cullen recovered from the unlanded blow. He heard the ram bleat - a noise that had become familiar as Cullen had struck enough of them over the past hour or so - followed by an unfamiliar cheer as he regained his balance.

He frowned as he connected the cheer to another player, standing some 25 yards away.

They’d stolen the ram out from under him! Cullen contained his frown. Well, no matter, there were others. He ran at the next one, managing to hit it first, though the blow from another rock grazed by his ear to kill the ram. He threw a mild glare over his shoulder in warning, but the other player merely waved at him in what was clearly a challenge rather than an apology. One by one, they eliminated the remaining rams, battling for dominance of the field.

Finally only one mob remained. Cullen reached it first, slicing horizontally with his blade, then dodging a thrust from the ram’s horns. The knockback effect from getting hit was unpleasant, he had unfortunately learned from experience. Thankfully it did little damage; trekking all the way out here from the city had taken awhile, and repeating the exercise would prove annoying if he died. He wasn't sure if he’d even bother to return to this area, if push came to shove - jostling for mobs was a little annoying. But the challenge was proving invigorating, and something in him was enjoying the company despite himself. As he prepared his next move, another rock hit the ram, reducing its HP to the red zone. He moved to charge a final strike, and lashed out for the kill --

This time, he really did fall, as the ram disintegrated into a flurry of fractal light just as he activated his weapon skill. It was rather embarrassing, landing sprawled out on his hands and knees, thankfully keeping ahold of his sword. Ungraceful enough of a fall to cause him to check his HP gauge in the top left of his sight. He'd taken a couple points of damage, but to be honest, the real hit was to his pride.

As he pushed himself to his feet, an outstretched hand appeared in front of his face. Already halfway to standing, though, he waved it away and brushed the dust off his armor.

“I’m so sorry,” said the person who’d offered her hand - and been the cause of his fall in the first place. But she was smiling, breath coming quick: likely the same battle-thrill that had sent his own heart racing. He sized her up as she continued her apology, doubtful of her sincerity.

“I know it’s totally rude to steal someone’s kill out from under them. I was practicing pulling mobs, and by the time I fired off that first rock I realized that ram was yours.” She was of a height with him, green eyes not having to look up very far to meet his own. “After that, well, it was too much fun to not race you.” She tucked a strand of brown hair behind her ear as she spoke. Her gear was practically identical to his, though her armor was blue compared to his own’s grey hues. Tan skin, teeth white in contrast as she smiled at his expense. “But that last one didn’t look like a fun fall, even though there’s no pain in this game.”

He felt himself frown at that, earning a nervous giggle in response.

“Let me make it up to you,” she offered. “I’m starting to get hungry. We can grab a bite to eat in town, I know a good place. My treat. It’s the least I can do.”

He was about to decline her offer and shrug off her apology when his stomach growled rather loudly. _Traitor._ He flushed as it elicited another laugh from this would-be rival.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” She extended her hand again, with different intentions this time. “I’m Trev.”

For half a second, he nearly froze.

_Take it, you idiot. You were the one who wanted to try making friends, after all._

“Cullen,” he replied stoically, shaking her hand. He was surprised by the firmness of her grip; her hands looked delicate even with the added bulk of her gloves. And there was something different about the sensation of touch with another player rather than his weapon or an enemy mob.

Without further ado, the two returned to town, where Trev led them through narrow side streets with practiced ease. The hubbub of people that persisted in the growing open air market and the fountain square had quickly died out as they continued moving west. Cullen had taken a moment to inspect the map earlier and noticed that the starting city was tucked against the western wall of the map, so it wasn't surprising that the dead-end, of a sort, was less populated as characters eager to explore the stage headed to the fields in the opposite direction.

“You certainly know exactly where you’re going for someone playing a game that launched only a few hours ago,” Cullen accused, eyebrows furrowing as he glanced at his surroundings before looking back to Trev.

She made a noncommittal noise, not bothering to deign his question with a response. Cullen’s frown deepened. She was hiding something, but what?

 _Calm down, Rutherford. This is a game. She isn’t out to get you. You’re not being followed._ But he still looked back over his shoulder to check. He felt a little better not seeing any evidence of some sort of foul play - not that it could happen in the Safe Area of a city, he remembered - but something still felt… _off._

He shook his head as if to clear it, running a hand over the back of his neck to try and soothe the prickly feeling that had risen there.

If Trev noticed his discomfort, she was polite enough not to say anything. A few more minutes’ walk and she came to an abrupt stop in front of an inn.

“Here we are!” she announced cheerily, arms gesturing to the building. Cullen took it in with the efficiency of a soldier who had had to deliver many reports and compile mission plans that required quick judgments. _Three floors, one front entrance, a side entrance, likely one or more back entrances. Additional exit paths via second-floor windows that open onto first-floor roofs._ He wondered if this was a habit he'd ever be able to break. 

Trev turned to face him, pursing her lips at his lack of outward reaction. Cullen didn't notice until she spoke again, upon which he blinked back into focus. 

“Right,” she remarked, seemingly to herself. A part of Cullen tried to feel bad for the awkwardness he had no doubt caused with his silence, but it wasn't really _his_ problem. _She'd_ been the one to decide tugging him along was a good idea.

“C’mon then,” she said, leading him inside. Tucked away as it was, the inn was empty, save for a few NPCs milling about on preset trajectories. Instead of stopping at one of the tables near the door, she led him to the second level and through the doors to one of the balcony tables. The balcony overlooked a small river, gardens visible on the other side. He was right about the establishment having more than one backdoor, he mused.

She caught him cataloguing routes and mistook the action for admiring the landscape. “You think the view’s good, you won’t believe what the food’s like,” she said, rubbing her palms together in anticipation. “I don’t know how they did it, but you even feel full after eating.”

Cullen merely quirked an eyebrow in response. “Now _that_ I’ll have to see for myself.” But her comment did spur him to take in the scenery for enjoyment’s sake, rather than utility that wouldn’t actually be too useful in this virtual world.

Again the developers had let their talents shine. A tree spread out its branches some ten feet above the balcony, the sun shining down through it, creating dappled patterns on the tables and chairs spaced out across the wooden deck. There was a slight breeze, just enough to tug at Trev’s unbound hair. Despite the pleasantly cool environment, the air smelled warm, the aroma of fresh-baked bread snaking out from the lower-level windows. They’d done a great job texturing the water - the river looked inviting, reminded him of the lake nearby his childhood home. And the gardens on the other side of the wide stream were an interesting mix of wild and tame foliage. The real world almost paled in comparison.

When the barmaid arrived, Trev ordered - and paid - for the both of them, assuring Cullen that the meal they'd receive was the best thing on the menu. He didn't know what it would be, as she’d referred to it merely as “the special”. She dug in with gusto when their meal was delivered, and Cullen was pleasantly surprised at how good the food was, simple as it looked. A stew that almost reminded him of the kind Mia would occasionally make in autumn, accompanied by a soft, doughy roll. He was grateful that it meant he didn’t have to talk much, still unused to this stranger. But something was still bothering him... 

Cullen narrowed another considering look at her. “You avoided my question earlier.”

She took another spoonful of her stew, using the time it took her to chew to stall her response. “What do you mean?” 

He knew she knew exactly what he was talking about, but graciously asked again. “How do you know your way around so well if the game only launched a few hours ago?”

She averted her eyes, nudging around a piece of potato at the bottom of her bowl. Something in him wanted to press on that weakness, wanted to force an answer from her, like he had so many others. Wanted… wanted power over her. The bit of reason at the back of his mind managed to reign in his dark thoughts, and he stared down at his own bowl, ashamed of himself. She was a stranger. She didn’t owe him anything. Besides, hadn’t he promised to leave that life behind?

“Sorry,” he muttered, wondering if he should just leave. _So much for making friends._ He’d already botched it up by channeling too much of his previous role as Knight-Captain. 

Trev shook her head. “No, it’s alright. I made it kinda obvious, didn’t I?” she said with a sigh. “I was a beta tester. But in other games that got me harassed when people found out, like I was some sort of cheater, even though I didn’t get to take anything from the beta tests other than what I remembered - which usually changed by the time the real game was finished - and what my character looked like. So I try not to advertise it.” 

Cullen nodded slowly. It was understandable. He’d heard of women getting harassed in online games - to the extent that some of them made male avatars to prevent negative attention - so it wasn’t difficult to imagine gamers getting angry about anyone having a perceived advantage over them from a beta test.

“Anyway,” she said, deftly changing the subject, “I was surprised to see you at my hunting spot. It’s pretty out of the way, didn’t expect anyone to find it on the first day.”

Cullen merely shrugged, finishing the remaining stew. She was right, he did feel full, the stew warm in his belly. Strange, yet satisfying. Their meals finished, the two unlikely companions sat in companionable silence for a few minutes.

Trev was first to break the silence. “Well, this was fun. Been awhile since I had a good challenge, or good company. Wanna party up sometime? I know a few other good spots. Lemme add you to my friends list.”

Cullen leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, a smirk beginning to tug at the corner of his mouth despite himself. “What, for a repeat of today’s episode?”

Her easy grin widened at that, eyes crinkling at the corners. “C’mon, Broody, you’ve gotta admit we make a pretty good team.”

“It’s _Cullen_.”

She chuckled, gesturing for the menu screen to pull up in front of her. She tapped at a few different windows, and suddenly another screen appeared in front of him.

 

<Trev WOULD LIKE TO ADD YOU AS A FRIEND.>

<ACCEPT?>

<X            O>

 

He hesitated, but again reminded himself of what he set out to do when he started this game. Even if this wasn’t exactly the way he planned on doing it. With an intentionally dramatic sigh, he hit the blue circle on the right side of the screen, accepting her request.

She smiled again, but it wasn’t as predatory as it was when she was trying to convince him to friend her. “And with that, I’ll catch you later - meeting some family for dinner, and I gotta get ready.”

“All right.” Cullen glanced at the in-game clock. 6:53 P.M. When had so much time passed? He should figure out his own dinner, too, in the real world.

He watched her back as she retreated from their table, pausing in the doorway to pull up the menu and presumably log out. He returned his gaze to the river, content to sit for a little while as he figured out what he’d make. He didn’t really feel like cooking, having just “eaten”, though he knew he only _felt_ full and wasn’t actually giving his body what it needed. Maybe he'd order pizza. Or take out, that sounded good too...

“Huh?” Her confusion was loud enough to jar Cullen from his thoughts.

“Something wrong?” 

“I can’t log out.” 

“What do you mean? You played the beta, it’s not like you don’t know where the button is.” 

“It’s not there. It’s greyed out. I can’t click the button.”

“Are you sure?” His eyebrows furrowed as he pulled up his own menu, a crease forming in between his eyes at the bridge of his nose. He hadn’t taken much of a look at the logout function, not having needed it thus far, but it was easy to navigate to the classic icon of an arrow pointing to an open door.

But there was no accompanying text, and, indeed, he could not press the button. Or rather, when he did, there was no response.

“It’s gotta be some sort of bug,” Cullen explained.

“This was never a problem in the beta,” Trev argued, sounding more worried than before. “Besides, that had to have been one of the first things they would verify worked right. Can you imagine the lawsuits if they got that part wrong?”

But there was no way they'd do it on purpose, which was the only other explanation if it wasn't some sort of bug or mistake. And that was not only ridiculous, it was crazy.

“Just call a mod,” Cullen waved off her concern.

She turned back to stare at him, and he realized the true extent of her anxiety as he noticed her  face had gone pale, eyes wide. “I did. Nobody’s answering.”

Cullen was quick to drum up another explanation, faintly reminded of when he’d had to reassure new T.E.M.P.L.A.R.s assigned to his command. Growing comfortable with taking the lead was one of the benefits of his old post, one pro to outweigh many cons. “Others must have noticed the issue, the GMs must all be busy processing their requests and figuring out what's wrong. Besides, if you don't show up for dinner, your family would come looking, and they'd be able to disconnect your headset.”

That didn't seem to assuage any of Trev’s doubts, but she didn't protest again. While the thought of not being able to log out immediately was unpleasant, Cullen had no doubt the issue would be resolved promptly. If not, well - he’d cross that bridge when he got to it. With how infrequently he responded to Mia’s messages, it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for him to go radio silence for awhile. It would be at least a week before Mia came banging down on his door --

_No, stop. That line of thinking won't get you anywhere._

They were saved the issue of figuring out what they should do next by a blue aura appearing around Trev. It glimmered, and before she could say anything, she disappeared. Cullen jerked up from his chair, unsure what was going on, when the air around him began to shimmer as well.

The next thing he knew, he was back in the fountain square in the center of the City of Awakenings. He breathed a sigh of relief as he noticed Trev next to him - it must have been a forced teleport. More and more players were being transported into the square, and Cullen started to tense a bit at the forming crowd, not enjoying the press of bodies around him, penning him in.

High above them, a bell tolled, marking the time as 7 P.M. on the dot. The chatter of people stopped expectantly, the bell's toll echoing forebodingly through the air. Then it started up again as someone pointed out the shadows gathering high above them.

A dark wolf was manifesting from the shadows, looking down on them with six red eyes. A green aura floated around the wolf, making its appearance even more unsettling.

“Welcome, players, to The Fade.” Its voice rang out in the square, seeming to come from all directions at once. “I am the Dread Wolf, an embodiment of the creator of this world.

“By now many of you have noticed that the logout button is not functioning. This is not an error in the game. Allow me to repeat that: this is not a malfunction.

“The only way to leave this world is to defeat the final boss in Stage 100. Rest assured, it will not be easy. You see, there is no resurrection here. Just like in the outside world, if you die here, it's all over.”

The whispers grew louder this time as some players began to shout their protests and disbelief. Cullen overheard someone nearby suggesting that their headsets would just be removed in the real world, as Cullen had pointed out earlier himself. As if it had heard the argument, the ethereal wolf continued in its booming voice.

“If your headset is removed or otherwise tampered with, it will emit a powerful burst of electromagnetic energy, destroying your brain. Unfortunately, many of the families of your fellow players have ignored my warning. As a result, 213 players have left this world...and their own.” The wolf flicked its tail, and several screens showing realistic news feeds appeared, riddled with police “DO NOT CROSS” tape, families crying outside, newscasters looking professionally distant but still concerned. From his vantage point, Cullen couldn't make out the headlines, but he could imagine what they said. His breathing hitched as the reality of the situation started to sink in. 213 people dead, and he might soon be one of them… 

“Thankfully, this risk has been reduced, as the media has further spread my warning. I'd hate to not give you all a fair chance.” The wolf bared its teeth in a fiendish grin. 

“Best of luck, players. You shall need it. To start you all out, I’ve left a gift in your inventory.” It paused, and around him Cullen heard others scrambling to open their inventories. Cullen did not move. “May it remind you of just how serious I am.” With that, the wolf turned and bounded away, the shadows that made it up dissolving into thin air.

Around him, some players began to glow with a white aura similar to the blue one that had brought them here, but Cullen paid it no attention as the first scream rang out, followed by several more. The crowd around him began to jostle him as it fought to escape the square. Cullen could hear his own rapid breaths, could feel his heart pounding in his chest, but he couldn't get enough air. He couldn't breathe. He was trapped. The corners of his vision darkened and he found himself dropping to his knees, other players unintentionally bumping into him as they scrambled to get away. His surroundings began to fall out from under him.

From far away, Cullen thought he heard a girl’s voice calling out his name, but before long - or perhaps an eternity later, Cullen couldn't tell - it was gone, replaced by cruel taunts and malicious laughter. He felt the psychological weight of bars around him, pressing in; the sting of a blade slicing just deep enough to draw blood; the searing flash of heat on his back.

But the words were the worst.

At first, _Just tell us, and we’ll let you see her again._ Then, later, _Stupid T.E.M.P.L.A.R. Your unit fell, one by one. They all left you. There’s no point in resisting_ . Worst of all was at the end, when he was almost ready to give in: _Ha! You really thought it was her, didn't you!_ _Did you think she would come for you? Did you think she cared? What a bad T.E.M.P.L.A.R., wanting what he could never have!_

_No! I am not there, I am not there, I’m not--_

On instinct, he started speaking aloud, though if he were asked about it later, he’d have no recollection of it, so single-minded was he in his task.

_“Maker, though the darkness comes upon me,_

_I shall embrace the Light. I shall weather the storm._

_I shall endure._

_What you have created, no one can tear asunder.”_

 

* * *

 

When he came back to himself, he was exhausted, and a familiar headache was beginning to pound at his temples. Cullen focused on taking deep breaths as his therapist had shown him until his vision began to clear. He noticed wet marks on his gloves where his hands were clasped in front of him. Shakily, he pushed himself to his feet. He ran his tongue over his dry lips but it didn't help - his mouth was just as parched.

Dazedly, he looked around at his surroundings. He was alone, though a few other stragglers also occupied the square, looking as if they were enduring the same sort of panic attack he’d had. He looked away furtively, ashamed at how easily he’d shattered. Trev was nowhere to be found, and he couldn't blame her - in fact, he was glad she was gone. He needed time to put himself back together.

He wanted lyrium.

Cullen rubbed at the space between his eyebrows and ignored the urge for the glowing blue substance - there was nothing he could do about it from in here anyway. Slowly, feeling as if he’d aged significantly, he sat back on the fountain’s ledge, where he’d first started his time in this world.

After a long rest, he finally felt well enough to begin to reorient himself. He took a moment to assess the situation. If beating this game was the only way to get out, then he would have to get stronger and fight. He would not be rendered helpless again.

That meant he would have to take advantage of everything this world had to offer, as well as all those skills he’d learned in his time as a T.E.M.P.L.A.R.

Belatedly, he recalled the supposed “gift" that the “Dread Wolf” had delivered. He pulled up his inventory, scrolling to the bottom. It was easy to identify the new item - no ram had dropped this. But what did it mean? How was it supposed to help?

Cullen withdrew the mirror from his inventory. The small object appeared in his hand. Cullen looked into it, flinching at what he saw.

Instead of the generic features of his avatar, his own face stared back at him.

_Serious indeed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be from Trev's point of view!


	3. Death Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trev makes some new friends and reunites with an unfamiliar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for brief reference to suicide.

 

_ 24 Justinian, 20:41 Information _

_ Stage 1: Rondela Town _

 

Despite herself, Keira Trevelyan had settled into a routine.

The first days had been the worst, filled with uncertainty as they were. She’d heard of the rule of threes - what was it, three days without water, three weeks without food? - and by the end of the second day, she was feeling sluggish and cranky, the headache probing at the space between her eyebrows refusing to go away. She didn’t  _ feel _ thirsty - drinking in game had tricked her brain enough that her mouth didn’t feel dry, at the very least; but her brain still knew her body wasn’t getting what it needed. Ostwick wasn’t exactly tropical, but the summers were hot even with the sea breeze, and the natives ensured their children were familiar with the signs of dehydration and heatstroke from a young age. Symptoms she was clearly echoing.

The paranoia really started to spread when, the next day, players began becoming unresponsive, collapsing where they stood - like they’d suddenly lost consciousness. The only hint that they hadn’t died was that their avatars didn’t burst into polygons. Hours later, she’d heard, they generally woke up, but couldn’t speak to what had caused the behavior. A rumor had started going around that their bodies were being moved to hospitals, that those players were still there because their headsets were still powered on, but unresponsive because they were offline. Truly, though, there was no way to tell, and regardless, she was powerless to do anything about it.

It was not a comforting thought.

That day had been a loss. She was too scared to leave the safe zone of the town she’d been in - the first one past the City of Awakenings - afraid she’d get caught mid-battle and die before she could defend herself, and never wake up again.

She kept rehashing the events of the “opening ceremony”. Maker, what kind of person could orchestrate all this? Trap them all inside a game, make it so that death here meant death out there. It was like a bored kid’s playthrough of The Sims, where you could put the sim in a pool and take away the ladder, or Zoo Tycoon, where you could block the entrance and set all the animals loose on the visitors. She’d done it before herself - found some amusement in playing god - but now the thought only made her feel sick. These were real lives being messed with. Andraste’s flaming sword, there were  _ kids _ here!

Making their avatars look like their real-world selves had only accentuated that fact, which only drove home how fucked up this situation was. If the VeilWare’s microwave facial scanner was good enough to catch the flat little moles on her face - not to mention trick her into feeling things that weren’t really there - then it wasn’t hard to believe it could render her a vegetable if something went wrong. The possibility of danger had never even occurred to her. Why would it have? Eluvian Ltd. might have been a relatively new entertainment company, but Keira was confident that devices sold to consumers were adequately checked for safety hazards, and she’d had no troubles during the beta. Now, however, they were stuck in a death game, like something out of a cartoon - but she wasn’t laughing.

As it was, some players did their best to keep an eye out for those who might have fallen unconscious outside of the safe zone, and others tried to set up a guard rotation at the entrance so that only those who had already gone through the ordeal could leave. That people were banding together, at least, gave her a shred of hope.

When her turn finally came around, it was almost like the anesthesia she’d received when she’d gotten her wisdom teeth removed. She’d been sitting on a bench near an item shop, planning out her next route based on what she could remember from the beta. All of a sudden the menu didn’t respond to her movements, and for a sickening moment she didn’t realize what was going on. For half a second, everything got fuzzy - and then, nothing. Not even a chance to wish that whoever was moving her did so before the VeilWare’s internal battery died, before her brain was fried.

She woke up again unsure of where she was. After a moment she realized she was seated exactly where she’d left off, but based on the in-game clock she was just under three hours past  _ when _ she left off.

Her family had found her, then, she concluded. She’d probably been moved to their private hospital. She pushed the thought away with a grumble. Keira knew herself well enough that she could tell that thinking about her family now would only make her cry, and she couldn’t afford to despair. She had to focus on the here and now, trusting that her real body would be taken care of so that she could do everything in her power to return to it. Thankfully, her headache was already much improved.

That had been nineteen days ago. Now her new routine kept her going.

Today was like those before it. She woke up, ate something - her brain kept insisting on regular mealtimes - and hunted monsters for the day. Around noon she returned to empty her inventory and have some lunch, after which she headed out again until after dark. When she got tired, she returned to town, sold off any remaining items she didn’t need, planned out her route for the next day, and went to bed. It kept her busy enough that she didn’t have time to feel lonely.

Except for the time between when she crawled into bed and when she fell asleep.

She often worked herself to exhaustion, but even so, she never fell asleep right away. No, most nights she would pull up her menu again, move to the relationships tab, and stare at the lone entry on her friends list. Tonight was no exception.

Cullen. He was always a town behind her when she pulled up his location on the minimap, marked by a lone green dot, and she was doing her best to keep it that way. She didn’t think she could face him. And though she knew she could remove him from her friends list with just a few taps of her fingers, to keep him from tracking her down, Keira could never quite muster up the courage to do it.

But she was running out of places to go. Rondela Town was the last safe zone before the first stage’s dungeon. Already players had begun to explore it, trying to find the boss room, and she was due to join them tomorrow, albeit as a solo player. She had no doubts that, at the pace he was going now, Cullen would arrive before the dungeon was cleared and she had a whole new stage to run away in.

Hot shame flooded her body as she thought of that first day in the fountain square. She rolled over with a groan, squeezing her eyes shut and burying her face in the pillow she’d clutched to her chest. 

She shouldn’t have left him.

But what else was she supposed to do? People around her were panicking, he was having some sort of mental breakdown and wasn’t responding to her and it’s not like she could drag him somewhere safe--

So she left him.

She told herself she had no other choice, but her excuses didn’t make her feel any better. She’d even thought of sending a message, an apology, but she couldn’t gather the courage to do that, either. It seemed cheap, almost. And it got worse the longer she waited, knowing she was being childish by running from her problems like this.

At that point, she closed the menu and tried not to think of anything until she inevitably fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

“Awesome, Ly! That brings us both to level 7!”

Keira heard a light clap as she rounded the corner of the dungeon - based on the context, she guessed that a congratulatory high-five had been in order. An exceptionally tall man wielding a sword and shield was grinning down at a woman who was close to a good foot shorter than him. She seemed pleased with her accomplishment, but it didn’t take long for her to put her hands on her hips and look up at her companion with reproach.

“Alistair, I told you it’s  _ Ishal _ here, not  _ Lyna _ .”

“Right, right. Sorry, dear.” He looked bashful yet amused at the same time. The woman rolled her eyes, but smiled back at him again.

Immediately Keira felt like she was witnessing something she shouldn’t be, like she was intruding on a private moment of intimacy. In a  _ dungeon _ , for the Maker’s sake! With monsters crawling around! She felt her mouth draw into a tight line as she processed how awkward she felt.

Deciding to ignore them, like one would in any other MMO, she started to move past them without a second glance.

She heard a soft “hey” but didn’t think it was directed at her, so she continued onward, focused on finding more monsters to raise her level. She was ahead of these two level-wise, but it would be a mistake to challenge the boss underleveled. There would be no do-overs, not anymore.

She thought she heard the man mutter something about needing to dance the Remigold to get anyone’s attention around here before the woman intervened, nearly shouting.

“Hey!”

Now that caught Keira’s attention. She stopped, looked over her shoulder, eyebrows furrowed. This was out of the ordinary.

“The stairs to the next floor are that way, and the monsters up there are a lot stronger. It’s dangerous to go alone. Team up with us,” the woman offered.

Keira considered the pair carefully. She wasn’t particularly interested in third-wheeling it. Then again, if she joined them, it meant she could fight longer, and spend less time going back and forth between Rondela Town and the dungeon - and the walk was no joke, a good half hour each way. Teleport crystals didn’t start getting sold until Stage 5, if she remembered correctly.

Alistair flashed her a winning grin. “You know you want to,” he sing-songed.

From anyone else, it would have been annoying. But from this player, with his much smaller companion watching him bemusedly as if he were some sort of puppy, it was almost endearing.

“Alright,” she agreed.

“Well, your lo--wait, what?” He had started to turn away, but whipped back to face her. His surprise was so apparent on his face that Keira couldn’t help but smirk. He’d obviously expected her to say no.

“I said I’d do it,” she shrugged. “At least for the next floor. See how strong the mobs are.” She recalled that she’d had to run away when she got overwhelmed on the higher floors of this dungeon during the beta - dying hadn’t been nearly as big a deal then, but it had still been inconvenient. It wouldn’t hurt to get a clearer picture of the enemy’s strength with a group before heading along further on her own.

“Besides, we all match,” Keira said, gesturing in turn to each of them. Indeed, not only were they all in the basic armor - but all of their armor was blue. They’d chosen different accessories, and of course their weapon sets weren’t identical, but there was a limit to the variety of equipment that dropped from mobs on Stage 1. Her observation drew the quirk of a grin from the woman and a chuckle from her companion.

“It’s a sign,” the woman agreed, pulling up her menu with a quick downward gesture of her hand.

A party invitation popped up in front of her, and she accepted it without ceremony. Two names and their accompanying HP bars appeared under her own in the top left of her field of vision. <WARDEN> and <Ishal>.

“Trev, huh? Nice to meet you. I’m Ishal,” the woman said with a smile. Keira returned the greeting with a nod.

“Recruiting random people on the road, just like old times,” WARDEN said. “What was it that convinced you, my dashing good looks? ‘Cause that’s why she joined up - well, that and my charming wit.”

“Duncan was the one who recruited me, Alistair,” Ishal said, her tone indicating that this wasn’t the first time this subject had come up. But, Keira noted, Ishal didn’t protest the other claims her companion had made.

“I take it you two know each other,” Keira said, a thread of discomfort threatening to wriggle itself back in. In normal circumstances, it was rude to ask total strangers in an online game about their real lives.

Ishal didn’t seem perturbed by the question. “Alistair and I met in WoTO a few years back. Joined the same guild. A few of us planned to transfer to The Fade when it launched, but I don’t know if anyone else snagged copies before they sold out.” She paused, clearly hoping they hadn’t. “And yes, his character name is WARDEN, but he forgets to answer to it. Don’t even bother.”

“Hey! I heard that! I’m right here, you know.”

“It doesn’t help that you left caps lock on, vhenan,” Ishal teased. But she must have noticed Keira’s growing discomfort at being so obviously foreign, because she quickly cleared her throat and changed the subject. “Anyway, Alistair’s got a shield, so usually he tanks and I’m deeps. That alright with you?”

Keira nodded. “I usually play DPS too, so I can work with that. Loot goes to whoever it drops for?”

“Sounds fair. Let’s go.”

That settled, Keira followed the pair down the corridor and up the dirt steps to the next floor of the dungeon.

 

* * *

 

Surprisingly, even though he was the one tanking, Alistair did not take the lead, instead deferring to Ishal.

Ishal would move in with her sword to make the first strike at a monster - switching off with Keira every few groups, of course - before calling for Alistair to cut in. He would rush in after whichever one of them was pulling the mob, quickly drawing aggro with a shield bash and knocking the monster off-balance again so Ishal and Keira could whittle down its HP. The mobs were challenging, but not overwhelming, and with their stock of potions they were able to prevent their HP bars from falling below the yellow zone. It was surprisingly easy to fall into the rhythm of battle. 

The trio made good progress through the floor, gaining valuable map data in the process, as well as odds and ends that could be used for crafting experience. One monster even dropped a whetstone that allowed Keira to boost her sword’s attack stat by one for two hours.

Eventually they stopped to rest, settling on the dirt floor against the wall in a room they’d just cleared out. This stage’s dungeon was themed after a burrow with its winding passages that opened into larger rooms, roots poking out of the walls every so far. Sometimes the roots would cover the doorways, preventing them from advancing until all the mobs were cleared or some sort of puzzle was completed. Thankfully it didn’t prevent them from retreating - Keira wasn’t sure if she would be able to deal with that quite yet.

“I can’t believe we still haven’t found the next set of stairs,” Alistair said with a groan. “We’ve been fighting for hours.”

Ishal, resigned to the reality of the situation, twisted her mouth to the side before taking another swig from her waterskin. “I’m just glad we’re fighting shrews and not bugs,” she admitted, drawing her shoulders up and shaking her head quickly to demonstrate her disgust in a movement not unlike a shiver. “Ugh.”

“The lower Stages are larger than the ones above them, so the dungeons have a little more space to play with,” Keira explained.

Alistair nodded for a moment, seeming to accept her answer before his eyebrows furrowed and he drew his head back a bit.

“Wait… How do you know about the upper Stages?”

Keira swallowed, gaze darting away from the brown eyes narrowing at her over the top of Ishal’s head. Damn it, she’d let her mouth get ahead of her brain again! Players had gotten even more distrustful of beta testers ever since everyone had found out they were trapped here. Even so, Alistair’s sudden suspicion was a little jarring compared to the rather goofy personality he’d revealed thus far.

“Uh,” she said eloquently. “I...read it in the guidebook they were giving out in the City of Awakenings. The beta testers compiled data all the way up to Stage 8.” She really hoped that information had made it in there, or that Alistair didn’t bother to check. Keira had picked up a copy herself, of course - in the month-long beta, she hadn’t come close to experiencing the wealth of different possible explorations, and she would take any help she could get - but she hadn’t finished reading it.

Thankfully Alistair didn’t pull his own guidebook out, but he still didn’t look like he totally believed her. However, she was saved from further questioning by Ishal standing back up and stretching.

“What do you say we get back to it?” Ishal asked. “I’ve got a few potions left and five inventory slots left to fill.”

 

* * *

 

“Good going today, Trev. You should join us again sometime.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Keira agreed with a polite smile. Even though she’d had to share the EXP she gained with the party, they were able to take on bigger groups of monsters more quickly, instead of picking off stray mobs one at a time. Maybe it would come out about even. She’d have to run the numbers later.

Keira thanked Alistair and Ishal for the group and left the pair at the item shop to finish selling off whatever loot they no longer needed.

She began reflecting on her day as she meandered toward the armor shop to see if any upgrades were available and within her price range. The company had been a rather nice change, though she was a little scared to admit it. Keira didn’t have a problem relying on others, but she was afraid of making friends only to lose them.

Already over 1,500 people’s lives had been claimed by The Fade, most of them within the first day or two. Some hadn’t believed the warning that the eerie Dread Wolf had given them - they’d gone charging recklessly into battle. Others… well, others  _ had _ believed, and it had been too much for them to bear. Instead of staying within the Town of Awakening’s borders, some leapt from the rail of the bridge that connected it to the rest of the stage, falling through the clouds below without a sound. 

None respawned. She’d checked that first night, before she set off for the first town. Keira remembered exactly where the Room of Resurrection had been in the beta, and it hadn’t moved this time around. Only, when she returned to it, there was no gaggle of players chattering about how tough the mob they’d tried to fight had been, or how far they’d had to fall off the edge of the map before they hit the bottom of the zone just to see what was down there (nothing, the clouds just started to turn green instead of grey), or how much damage they’d accidentally taken by missing a ledge in a jumping puzzle. The room had been empty when she strode through its giant open doors, and the text that appeared in midair to denote that she’d discovered a new location read “Hall of Memories” instead.

10,000 names lined the walls. Some of them were already crossed out, and Keira had determinedly kept herself from thinking about why. Arranged alphabetically as they were, it hadn’t taken long for her to find her own player name.

She had run her fingers along the first four letters of her last name, the nickname she’d been given by one of her sports coaches when there had been two Keira’s on the team. When the name right above hers had suddenly been crossed out, she’d turned tail and run to the next town as fast as she could.

Alistair and Ishal didn’t seem like they were in any risk of that happening - they were out on the front lines, determined but cautious, with willing smiles - but in battle, all it would take would be one misstep for something to go terribly, terribly wrong.

At the same time, though, she didn’t want to be alone forever. Not just because at some point, her routine wouldn’t be enough to keep her from getting lonely - how relaxed she’d felt today after she’d gotten to know Ishal and Alistair a little better had cemented that fact - but also because she knew at some point she’d hit the limit of what a solo player could accomplish on their own.

She purchased a set of greaves to strap over her boots at the armor shop, then headed back towards the edge of town. The sun was starting to dip low in the sky, but there was still plenty of time left in the day to return to the dungeon.

 

* * *

 

_1 Solace, 20:41 Information_

_ Stage 1: Rondela Town _

 

Keira leaned forward as she sat on the stone beneath her, resting her elbows on her knees and her chin on top of the loose fist made by her right hand. Her other hand wrapped around her right elbow. She looked around at the fifty or so other players gathered in the amphitheater. Keira didn’t recognize any of them, surprised that Ishal and Alistair didn’t seem to have joined in. They were all waiting to discuss tactics for the first stage’s boss.

The players’ progress thus far was much slower than the beta - almost a month had passed, and they’d yet to even find the boss room. In the beta they’d already reached Stage 8.

Then again, players on the front lines were a lot fewer in number, and much more cautious. They had to play the tortoise now, not the hare.

The chatter of players around her quieted as a weathered man with a thick black beard strode to the center of the amp. He’d clearly upgraded his gear already: the beginning navy blue armor had been reinforced with a few panels of metal plate, a gleaming sword hung from his waist, and a sturdy metal shield was slung over his back.

“Alright, listen up, you lot,” he addressed them with authority, the structure around them naturally carrying his voice so that all could hear - even Keira, perched on the highest tier. “Thank you all for coming today. We’re here to discuss how to defeat the first boss, to show those waiting in the City of Awakenings that we can win this game.”

He crossed his arms before continuing his speech. “I’m Blackwall. Last night my party found the boss room on the top level of the dungeon.”

The whispers among the players picked up again at that, and though Keira couldn’t make out what they were saying, it was easy to pick up on the mix of nerves and excitement.

“The guidebook states that the boss of the first stage is Molemont the Earthshaker. He has four health bars, generally fights with his claws. He also has an attack where he uses his tail to knock players back,” Blackwall explained. “As he loses each health bar, he slams the ground, causing debris to fall from the ceiling. The debris can do a lot of damage with just one hit, so you’ll need to be aware of your surroundings.”

“You can read up on more details in the guidebooks. If you didn’t get one in the City of Awakenings, I picked up a few extra copies,” Blackwall said. He took a few minutes to answer a question or two from the audience, but Keira was already flipping through her inventory for the guidebook.

“If there are no further questions, I’ll wrap things up. Arrange yourselves in parties of five. If you find someone else who’s interested in joining us, we’ll group them up as needed. I’ll see you all here at 0900 tomorrow.”

And with that, the players below her began forming parties with each other. Keira looked around, not sure who she should approach. If Ishal and Alistair were here, it’d be easy - she felt comfortable fighting with them again. But it looked like everyone already knew each other, and she was an outsider.

Keira blinked in surprise as a party invite appeared in right front of her eyes. It didn’t list a name - they never did - and when she glanced around surreptitiously, feeling self-conscious, she couldn’t tell who might have sent it.

But she needed a party, so she pressed the blue circle and looked at the new HP bar that appeared under her own.

 

<Cullen>

 

_ Shit.  _ She felt heat flood her face as she looked around again - but damn it, she didn’t know what he looked like now that everyone’s appearances had changed. She’d made her avatar look roughly like her - it had been a bit tanner, its hair longer, eyes an unnaturally bright green rather than her own pale greyish green hue. But that didn’t mean Cullen had done the same.

She quickly pulled up her minimap, focusing on the light blue dot that marked a party member. It was...behind her?

Eyebrows furrowing, she jerked her head around to look over her right shoulder. A lone player stood against the railing wrapped around the top of the amphitheater, regarding her questioning look with raised eyebrows.

Keira thought about disbanding the party and making a run for it, but quickly quelled the notion. This was karma coming back around to make her pay her dues. She stood and faced him, getting a good look at the player she’d abandoned weeks ago and had been avoiding ever since.

Cullen’s avatar had been rather plain. It definitely hadn’t been ugly, but there clearly hadn’t been much in the way of customization - not compared to Trev, who had easily spent an hour perfecting her avatar’s features when she’d first logged in to the beta.

This Cullen was… well,  _ handsome _ would be an understatement. His skin was paler than her own, and his features were well-sculpted. His hair was still blonde, though she didn’t remember if it was any different of a blonde than his avatar’s original color. She did, however, note that instead of the spikes, his hair was neatly slicked back, with a hint of a wave to it. Just the right amount of dark stubble lined his face, and a thin scar, perhaps an inch long, cut through the right side of his upper lip. Strangely, that scar only added to Cullen’s looks.

And Cullen’s eyes were a warm brown, instead of blue, Keira realized as she finally met his gaze. Then it hit her that he’d been watching her basically check him out.

_ Oops. _

“I’m, uh, sorry for leaving you behind back there,” she finally choked out, when Cullen didn’t say anything. “I was - kind of overwhelmed, and--”

“Don’t worry about it,” Cullen interrupted, shuffling his shoulders and glancing away for a moment.

_ Wait,  _ Keira thought.  _ Is he...embarrassed too? _

She wasn’t sure she completely believed he didn’t hold some sort of resentment towards her, but she was still a little relieved to hear that. And a little more ashamed that she’d dodged him for so long if he truly hadn’t been upset. She wouldn’t, however, look the gift horse of forgiveness in the mouth.

“You looked like you needed a party, and we fought well together before,” Cullen said. “I thought we could do so again.”

Keira couldn’t argue with that. “I guess that makes us a party, then,” she agreed. She took quick stock of his gear. He’d added a shield to his repertoire, and his armor wasn’t much worse than her own - not bad at all, considering she’d been ahead of him for a bit.

“C’mon, let’s get some practice in,” she said, exiting the amphitheater and starting to walk towards the town’s borders. “I want to see what kind of combos we can make with that shield.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those who have read this story so far and left comments & kudos! I hope you're enjoying the story so far!
> 
> Hopefully it isn't too confusing to switch back and forth between the avatars' names and their real names. In case you're at all interested, in my head "Lyna" is pronounced "Lee-na" (and therefore "Ly" is "Lee") and "Keira" is "Key-air-uh" (as opposed to "Kiera" being "Key-ra").
> 
> This chapter took me longer to write than anticipated, as I had to keep revisiting what I hoped to accomplish. I'm going to do my best to make updates a bit more frequent than roughly once a month.


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